Thursday, May 31, 2012

Glad for the rollercoaster

I got up at four this morning after popping an Ambien and crawling into my own bed at midnight. Four straight hours of sleep and not being jack knifed in a hospital vinyl chair is a blessing. Shouldn't be blogging, should still be sleeping.  But my body and mind won't let me sleep any longer. Plus I need coffee. That addiction can be a curse.

Dave, just before being called to surgery
So here goes. I'm going to blog but try to keep it short and get ready for another day at the hospital with Dave.

We were elated when Dr. Marsh met us after the surgery was done with no complications.  The tumor was removed without damaging the nerves.

Dr. Marsh said that after Dave fully recovers, he should be as good as he was prior to surgery. I passed the good news on to the prayer chain and posted it on Facebook.

But reality kicked us when we finally were able to see Dave after he got to the ICU. The surgery may have gone well but it was still major brain surgery.We couldn't hold back tears seeing him, his head wrapped and his eyes unable to focus.

It is evident now how serious his brain injury was from years ago. His ability to compensate has been stripped. It's like he has to start all over again. Dave has two new impairments--double vision and loss of feeling on one side of the face. But the doctors are confident that those impairments are temporary and will get better after the swelling goes down.

They say crying is good, that you shouldn't hold back. That crying helps. I don't think it always does. At least, not after you've cried yourself to the point of dehydration. I wish I could turn off the faucet, but I can't. I hurt to the core for Dave, not only for what he is going through now, but what he's already been through and has been dealing with all these years. It breaks my heart that I didn't fully understand and wasn't more patient.

People's words on Facebook have been so kind and encouraging. We've heard from friends we haven't seen for over 20 years. I've reconnected with some of Dave's extended family who live in California and we rarely are able to see.

I posted that first night after surgery that it was rough and it was going to be a roller coaster. Dave's niece, Jamie, who lost her Dad (Dave's brother) to cancer several years ago, replied:

Aunt Jacci, I know it is hard right now and even though the surgery went well, recovery will take time and patience. It will be okay though. Just remember it would be worse if there were no roller coaster left to ride!

Jamie, thank you. It was exactly what I needed to hear. Dave's still here. We have our friends and family. We have the Lord.  We're not alone. We'll ride it out together. It's going to be okay.


  1. Dave and Jacci, We continue to pray for you and for a speedy recovery. Trust in God to help in this time, I always believed that prayer was a strong medicine in the hospital. I saw miracles happen through prayer in the years I worked in surgery and the ICU's. God Bless you and protect you both. Get well soon and we look forward to seeing you in church soon.
    The Hughes Family

  2. Jacci, thanks for posting. We're thinking of you often and praying for you guys! These intense days will soon be only in your memory...keep hanging onto Jesus and praying through the tough moments. He will sustain you through His grace. I'm glad you are journaling--wish we'd done more of that when Micah was in the hospital, but it was consuming and intense at the time and we didn't think to do it, then tried to piece it back together later and couldn't remember everything. Thanks for sharing with all of us.

    We love you!
    Ty & Pauline

    1. Thanks, Pastor Ty and Pauline. Have a great time away! Don't look back. :)

  3. Jacci, Glad to see this post. Have been praying for you and Dave all week. Just rest in his arms and you can get through this. I didn't know how God had been holding me up years ago when Greg blew out his knee, until he was fully recovered 6 mo later. I fell apart at church when i realized that I hadn't been doing this alone all of those months. This is a one set of footprints time, you and Dave both are being carried in his arms. I am continuing to pray for complete healing for Dave and strength for you.


    1. Thanks, Wanetta. You're always encouraging! Today's a better day. :)

  4. Hey Jacci, Dave and Family,
    Praying for all of you. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you in the weeks/days ahead. We love you.
    judy and gene